"I hate my abs. I wish I could just quit trying for a two-pack. Not even a six-pack, just two."
I'd say this to my wife.
I wanted to quit planks. Side planks too. Russian twists. Any ab exercise.
I asked my friend. Would you train me?
She looked at me like I was a macadamia nut. You need discipline, she said.
I didn't even want to spend the time working out. Because I thought my abs would be nothing but Pillsbury Doughboy-like forever.
I came from being skinny. Now I was skinny fat. I was slipping back to worse than skinny, I thought.
I felt like I'd never belong in the good abs squad.
I couldn't change my abs in a day. If I'm "Pillsbury" today, I'm still going to be "Pillsbury" tomorrow.
But I started to realize it was abs-olutely my choice.
That the direction my abs were going in was my choice.
I spoke with Natalie Jill. She helped me make it fun again.
That the journey towards Absville could be fun.
I made "being a member of the Awesome Absquad" part of my exercise habit.
Then I wrote "The Abs Song".
Here's a few lyrics:
Hit the road fat
And don't ya come back
No more no more no more more
Hit my core abs
Say bye to them flabs no more
Pillsbury Doughboy can be so mean
That's no way for me to get lean
Don't ya treat yourself this way
Two-pack's gonna be mine someday
That's my new name ab rap name: