What's weird about my quarantine relationships?
Let's start with my wife.
Her love language is ‘selfless service.'
That means I need to proactively look for ways in which to clean up.
Like if I wash the dishes without being asked, that’s like an A+ for the last hour of lockdown.
It surpasses just about everything, including saying, "I love you."
Show, don't tell.
Me mopping the floor for 8 minutes is like me giving her an 80 minute deep tissue massage.
You like me with this dust buster don’t you?
"Yes, yes I do," she says.
I’m gonna bust that dust like there's no tomorrow.
It feels so good to contribute.
I could fold laundry for 10 minutes and it’s like I’m rubbing her feet for 10 hours.
She finds me more attractive when I’m cleaning.
I’m the sexiest man on Earth.
At least when I’m wielding a Clorox wipe.