Fine

September 17, 2019 1 min read

Fine

I said I was "fine."

I was.

Frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional.

I was fine alright.

Have you ever said you were "fine" when you weren't?

What I wanted to say, was, “I’m so sick I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I’m depressed. And I’m lost.”

But I just said, “I’m fine.”

My patient looked at me and she said, "Bullshit. If you can't take care of yourself, Dr. E., How are you going to take care of all of us?"

Her exact words.

The truth of her statement hit me.

I felt tears well up in my eyes that I was trying hard to push away you know the way we doctors do.

I did my best Rocky Balboa voice.

"HEY, YO -- I’M FINE, LIKE REALLY. YO, I'M COMPLETELY FINE."

My patient had ruthless compassion with me.

She said, "Be real -- you ain't fine."

It took being called out.

Brutal honesty.

It took a while.

Patience.

Self-examination.

Self-compassion.

But I slowly became "fine" in a new sense.

By gradually giving up perfectionism and self-judgment.

A tiny bit better each day.

Eventually, I got there.

Fun-loving, inspired, nurturing, and expressed.

Fine.



Also in daily dose

Life
Life

January 22, 2020 1 min read 0 Comments

Read More
It Doesn't Matter
It Doesn't Matter

January 21, 2020 1 min read 0 Comments

Read More
Every Day
Every Day

January 20, 2020 1 min read 0 Comments

Read More